


vanishing 'act'.

by kurotsuno



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, F/F, Female Pronouns for Narukami Arashi, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Parent Death, Wakes & Funerals, idk how to tag the rest it's just a mess, there's some pairings but they're not rlly the focus of this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-16 08:54:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18688213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurotsuno/pseuds/kurotsuno
Summary: Natsume Sakasaki meant more to more people than he thought he did.





	vanishing 'act'.

**Author's Note:**

> hi i honestly dont know what this is but feel free to yell in the comments at me

It’s been a while, almost over a year, to be precise, but it never feels that way. It feels like it was yesterday, hours ago, or even just so close to now that it hasn’t happened.

But it did.

Natsume Sakasaki committed suicide in the year of his 19th birthday, a week prior to graduation.  


 

* * *

 

It was almost unexplainable.

If it was in his first year at Yumenosaki, perhaps it’d have made more sense. His soul was polluted, shattered by something he should have seen coming. Not that he, or anyone else could have predicted their downfall, but that fact didn’t stop him from tormenting himself for it. It was a time where he felt unseen, despite being in the spotlight on social media. It was a time he felt alone, terribly alone.

But that was then. Since, he’d grown closer to others. He’d found people he treasured, and in return, treasured him.

 

There was his unit, of course. Natsume had slowly learned how to communicate with Tsumugi, how to not just smack the shit out of him when he was frustrated. With Sora, the two had always been close since reuniting in Yumenosaki. When Sora began feeling colors rather than seeing colors, both Tsumugi and Natsume had their own unique ways of explaining love to Sora, Tsumugi’s method being more textbook and Natsume’s being more.. of a mix between dangerous and untraditional.

And his nii-sans, those who completed him as ‘the five oddballs’. Rei and Kanata mostly kept Natsume company following the cooldown of the oddball vs fine war, as Wataru and Shu were preoccupied with both their units and themselves. Even once they graduated, all four consistently came to visit him, either for encouragement, or to tease him in front of his underclassmen.

And lovers or friends of aforementioned. Hinata began hanging around the game research club after he and Sora began dating, which was a welcome addition. Tsumugi rarely joined them in games unless they either goaded him into it or just outright forced him, so playing games with three people almost everytime they met was a nice change of pace. And following that, Yuta joined them shortly after.. and his boyfriend, too. So now Tsumugi, Yuta, Hinata, Sora, Tsukasa, and Natsume met in the game research club whenever possible. It was crowded, sure, but a nice change of pace. 

Then came the ‘not entirely sure why we’re friends, but sometimes that’s ok’ sort of relation. Koga and Natsume grew closer in their third years, mostly through sharing the same wounds, but further finding they had more in common than they realized. Once both Eichi and Wataru graduated, Tori became the image for fine, which made him hold some sort of grudge on Natsume. Except, it wasn’t really a grudge. It was more like Tori would insult Natsume everytime they met, until a special day. A special day where Natsume accidentally stumbled upon Tori and his sister sobbing in a unused practice room, secretly mourning over the loss of their parents. Their parents had been on their way back home for the first time in years, only to have their plane malfunction and plummet into the ocean. Natsume wasn’t particularly great with his own emotions, much less others, but when he wrapped his arm around the two, he felt four arms hold onto him like he was the most important thing in their worlds. After, they hung out on occasion. Even Tsubasa came to visit Natsume and pestered him to go shopping with her, even if she didn’t have any reason. Arashi was a more circumstantial bond, one of which she began to care for Natsume when he forgot to care for himself. It started when she placed a boxed lunch on his desk, much to his confusion. Arashi further explained that she noticed Natsume was bombarding himself with work and practice, and she hadn’t seen him take the time to eat. After, he grew to enjoy her company. He couldn’t place why, really, but something about her felt comforting, like a blanket on a cold winter day.

Natsume was surrounded in friends of all calibers in his third year, much more approachable, and seemed as if he was in the best place he’d ever been in his life.

Unfortunately, all is not always how it seems.

 

* * *

 

On his visitation day, everyone attending was dressed in expensive attire, mourning dresses and a more casual form of suits. Natsume was propped up in a wooden casket, a rather cheap and flimsy one, back arched against the edge of the top. His entire posture seemed like a slouch, instead of a traditional peaceful folding of hands on the chest. Some took consolation to the fact that Natsume wouldn’t have wanted it to be traditional anyways, but the bitter truth was that it wasn’t intentional. Natsume’s mother didn’t plan on having a funeral of any kind, and therefore didn’t pay for it. The only light from that was her arrest, for child neglect. She hadn’t been providing Natsume with food, water, or any basic necessities. Receipts for food, water, toothbrushes, blankets, clothes, soap, and so forth were found stuffed in boxes of the secret room. 

Since Natsume’s family refused to provide a funeral service, Tsumugi had taken the burden to pay for it himself. Both Tsubasa and Tori became furious when they found out, as they could have had a much nicer funeral for Natsume, but their anger couldn’t linger. It didn’t matter how extravagant the service was; Natsume wasn’t coming back.

One by one, they stepped up, a few grasping Natsume’s cold, rigid hands as they sobbed their apologies and words of affection that were far too late. All of them knew their words couldn’t reach him anymore, but they continued their speeches despite that. It was all they could do to ease their minds, even just a bit.

Rei was first. His expression was downtrodden, not even a hint of a joke or a smile anywhere. “I’m sorry, dearest child. I should have looked after you more. I should have paid more attention.” His voice cracks as his mouth drys of words. Rei chokes back a sob, petting a hand through Natsume’s crimson locks lovingly. 

Next is Kanata. He’s about in the same emotional state as Rei, but he doesn’t say a word. Wordlessly, he holds Natsume’s hands for a few minutes. Once he’s done, he quietly steps away.

Shu follows. He’s a wreck, and Mika and Nazuna stick to his side, each squeezing a hand as hard as they can muster. He can’t get a single tangible word out, just a garbled slur of apologies and screams.

Wataru wants to laugh. Not because he wants to make light of any of this, but because he doesn’t know what to say. When it’s his turn, his legs turn to cement and he has to drag them over to the casket, fingers wrapping around the lining of it. His expression seems devoid, scarily, and he can’t bring himself to say anything but a quick ‘sorry’ before turning and running off.

Sora’s already crying before he sees Natsume. Once they’d found Natsume’s body, Sora was convinced Natsume was going to come back to life because of his magic. As that realization cracked, so did Sora’s spirit. With Hinata at his side, he sobs, wails out for Natsume to come back, to come in the door, to just jump out of the casket, that he can stop pretending, strings of delusions until he just shudders and cries into Hinata’s chest, who then has to escort him out of the room.

Yuta and Tsukasa step up after that outburst, and Tsukasa has to break the silence. “Sakasaki-senpai, thank you for being so kind, even if you didn’t think you were kind. I’ll always treasure the days of playing games together with you.” Yuta doesn’t speak, but instead nods, as if he wants to say the same thing, but can’t spit the words from his mouth.

Koga and Arashi walk together, unintentionally, after. Tears are already spilling out of Koga’s eyes, no matter how hard he tries to bite on his lip to stop them from escaping. Koga fumbles with what to say, obviously frustrated. He wants to yell, say something stupid and probably insensitive, but he knows he can’t. So he just utters profanities under his breath, while Arashi massages his back. After coaxing Koga, she parts hair out of Natsume’s eyes, most likely tussled from Rei earlier. “I’ll miss you, no, I already miss you. You were like a little brother to me, so sweet and rowdy..” She inspects his hands. “I’m glad your nail polish hasn’t chipped off.. purple looks nice on you.” Now Arashi bites her lip, recalling the two of them painting each other’s nails on numerous weekends. Gently setting down Natsume’s hand, Arashi then takes Koga’s, squeezing it tight enough to leave an imprint.

Tsubasa steps up, her fiance holding her hand already. “You’re wearing the bracelet I got you! I’m so glad.. I know you didn’t want it, or you said you didn’t cause it was expensive but.. I.. I knew it’d look nice, and you did like it.. so..” She trails off, but quickly tries to recover herself. “And you helped me pick out a nice ring for Suzu! We’re getting married in the fall, you know.. you’re such a dummy, Natsume.. you were suppose to give.. a speech at our.. w.. w..” Tsubasa loses her voice, Suzu embracing her in a tight hug now. Tsubasa sobs on Suzu’s shoulder, arms secure around her.

Tori follows his sister, hands curled into fists so tightly that his knuckles whitened. “I didn’t think I could ever get along with someone like you, you.. you weren’t supposed to leave us, Natsume! You weren’t supposed to leave us behind, who’s going to..” Tori’s words mince, his frustrations blending in his tone. He wails. His cries fill the small visitation room, echoing off the walls. 

Lastly was Tsumugi, who surprisingly was the shortest visit. He said a quick sorry and walked off, to which many were confused.

 

* * *

  
  


“It’s been a year since then, Natsume-kun. I’m sorry it took me so long.” Tsumugi kneels in the grass, trying not to turn his nose at the rotted flowers scattered on Natsume’s tombstone. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me. I’m sorry I didn’t notice how you felt even though I was right there, and I should have, and now I.. I can’t do anything. I can’t bring you back. Saying sorry doesn’t change anything but, I.. I miss you, and I should have said it before, I should have said it not just when they buried you but when you were alive and when you felt.. when you felt.. I should have told you how much you meant to me, everyday, whenever I could, I should have told you you saved me when I was at my lowest and that I wanted to repay you, and.. I can’t now. Natsume-kun, no, Natsume. Everyone misses you. They still do, they always will. Rei-kun, Shu-kun, Kanata-kun, and Hibiki-san feel incomplete without you, they.. they’re not ‘the four oddballs’, they never will be. It’s always five in their hearts, and they aren’t five anymore.. but they aren’t four either. Tsubasa-chan and Suzu-chan had a beautiful wedding.. I gave a speech in your place, but it wasn’t as good as yours would have been. I know it wasn’t. Tori-kun floods himself with work nowadays.. I think he feels guilty about how he treated you, even if you were friends when you died.. Sora hasn’t been the same, either. He’s usually around the twins and Suou-kun, but he still hasn’t been himself. Arashi legally got her transition, and I know you’d be proud of her if you were here.. she still keeps all her nail polish.. I saw her wearing more purple than usual, too.. Koga-kun has been better, I think.. no one’s the same since you left, but I.. I can’t deal with it. Everyone’s been saying I should meet new people, maybe even date someone, but no one’s you. No one will ever be you. I sound stupid, probably, but.. I didn’t want anything of you Natsume. Being yourself was enough for me, enough for everyone.. Why did you leave us..? I know it’s.. it’s our fault you left, but we.. please, I wish.. I knew.” Tsumugi rasps after he finishes, tears dribbling off his chin. He glances around the grave, noting the tattered photos of Natsume, of his lives, of him hanging out with other people, of his smiling face, his glimmering eyes. Tsumugi feels his chest clench uncomfortably with the knowledge that he’ll never see it again, no one will ever see it again.

Tsumugi stands up, walking away from the cemetery. His glasses slide on his face, and he has to take them off and wipe them with the corner of his shirt to dry the tears off of the lens. With an idle sigh, he gets in his car, and starts it up, thoughts tormenting him.

 

* * *

 

On the first anniversary of Natsume’s death, Tsumugi didn’t go to work the next day.


End file.
